Laurie Gilmore, 40 years old
Yes, you may as many people tend how to deal with your ex dating a friend get completely wrapped up in your own feelings and give the middle finger to anyone who tries to tell you otherwise, but if one of your besties decided to start humping your ex, would you be supportive or forgiving? Thirdly, yet without intending to come across as territorial in a caveman-defecating-on-his-patch-of-land sort of way, that person was with you and was part of your life. They were someone who significantly contributed to shaping the person you are today. Anyone familiar with Friends will be fully aware of how often they swapped and shared partners. Not only is that his best friend, but he massively betrayed him. Being honest, showing respect, and having trust in one another is the key trinity to BFFs. MORE: The 6 types of relationship you need to have experienced before you even consider marriage.
Does this mean you still love them? Are these feelings normal? These are common questions you may ask yourself when your ex starts dating again. You spent a large part of your life with this person, and during the years you were together, dating and married, you came to think of that person as your true significant other. You two were a couple and to see your spouse with someone else will trigger feelings in you that may be surprising and unpleasant. It does not mean you are still in love but rather you are witnessing the evidence that your spouse now has someone else in the place you used to how to deal with your ex dating a friend. Though you may not understand the feelings you are having, they are a natural part of moving on after a divorce.
A friend once told me his test of whether he's over an ex is whether it would bother him if they were dating someone else. Under that logic, I've never gotten over anyone in my life. Months and sometimes years after a relationship, my heart rate still accelerates when I see an ex is dating someone new on Facebook. Over a year after I ended one relationship, I found some photos on Facebook of my ex with a woman I didn't recognize. It was like we were still together and he cheated. I wasn't entitled to feel this way — I broke up with him!
How to deal with your ex dating a friend
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There are a few different things that happened during the time I was newly separated that caused me to classify myself as temporarily psychotic, one of those being when I figured out "my ex is dating my friend! I seriously felt like I was going to go insane. Here was a how to deal with your ex dating a friend who I thought was my good girlfriend. We had gotten together a few times and I had told her things -- personal things about my ex and our relationship, why I was getting divorced, etc. I shared things with her and trusted her. Weeks later, I saw my ex leaving her house. It was like a stab in the heart. Not really because of him, but because of her.
In the passenger seat was my high school boyfriend. We had become infatuated with one another senior year, and we were now facing the inevitable relational shift: going to different colleges. Our chosen colleges were three hours apart and neither one of us had a car or money. I was devastated, but a few weeks had passed how to deal with your ex dating a friend we were still in semi-regular contact. I would sign onto iChat everyday, and we spoke as if nothing really had changed. Breakups are almost unimaginably painful to begin with. So what do you do when you find out your friend, someone you also trusted, starts dating them?
Trying to find ways to deal with your friend dating your ex isn't always easy. It's even worse if you and your ex didn't split on the best of terms. Many think of it as a betrayal. If you don't want to lose your friend, you have to find ways to deal with your friend dating your ex.